cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
