the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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