her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
