Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
