Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
