I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
