that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
