After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
