i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
