Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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