apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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