Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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