I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
