I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
