I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
