Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
