I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
