That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
