idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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