I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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