I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize