I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
