Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize