If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
