Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
