sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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