did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
