walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
