You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
