it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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