He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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