have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
