its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
