I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
