Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
