wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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