yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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