So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
