And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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