I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize