Can Purell be used as lube?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
zippers are such a cool invention
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is Oprah even human
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
