she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize