Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
