woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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