Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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