I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
