also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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