i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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