I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
