I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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