new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
