Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
