Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
