Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We need to get me chipped asap
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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