9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
