also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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