If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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