you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
