some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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