before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize