stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
