hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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