Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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