Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
